Every two months, my friend john goes to a back room and pays to have someone pour hot wax over his bottom, and then tear strips off him. It’s not what you may think. The room is a male beauty salon, and he has his cheeks waxed to keep them…well, smooth as a baby’s bottom. Nothing new in that, you might think what the hell I am writing today, but this time, the bottom line is profit.
In the kind of clubs john goes to, it’s perfectly acceptable compulsory even, to dance in your underwear, and no man likes to flash his bottom about in public unless it’s buffed to perfection and clad in pristine new pants. No gay man that is. After a long pub crawl, there is a certain species who still thinks it’s hilarious to lower their y- fronts and bare their spotty cheeks to the world. But the good news is that this is a dying breed.
Male vanity is no longer a gay thing. No lad’s wardrobe is complete without a few Armani, D&G and Calvin Klein shirts [preferably with the name in really big letters so everyone knows where the money went] and now the world’s top fashion designers want to get their hands on male underwear. Times have changed. Underwear has become a fashion statement, and men no longer rely on their wives, mums and girlfriends to buy it for them. In 1992, 71 million pairs of pants were sold in the UK. Last year, this has risen to 82 million. That’s big money spent on smalls and explains why fashion houses are suddenly so keen to get into your pants.
Calvin Kline has cleaned up in this department. As always, he succeeded by keeping it simple; first, he sold men’s style cotton briefs to women sick of synthetic frillies and seduced by the designer logo on the elastic; then he sold the same clean, plain lines back to their boyfriends. Give yourself an edge without anyone knowing, wearing red under wear will give you a lift and no one needs to know why. Every woman likes a man who makes them smile but not when he drops his trousers.
The problem is that it’s hard for other designers to come up with variations on this classic theme; so instead they’ve had to go for new fabrics such as chiffon and Italian design house Gucci, which sells flimsies at prices that would buy you a whole drawer full of crisp, cotton numbers. Working on the policy less is more, Gucci‘s sheer net pants are mere barefaced cheek than chic, despite the diamante G-logo on the front.
Pop these on and they will definitely set women a -quiver, more with laughter than desire. Strip off in front of a new girlfriend wearing chiffon Y- fronts and you may find she suddenly remembers a pressing appointment at four in the morning.
So what do women find sexy. Well fitting, plain cotton trunks rank top among a survey of my girlfriends. Prints they decided are nearly always a mistake. Novelty briefs pants emblazoned with the crest of your favourite football team and anything in leopard skin say more about you than your worst enemy ever could.
THE WRITER IS A FASHIONDESIGNER AND FASHION CHOREOGRAPHER AND CAN BE CONTACTED AT prasantt@rediffmail.com / https://www.prasanttghosh.org/